The Plan (pt. 1).

On building a life with routines that feel good through soft discipline.

Jun 16, 2026

To me, the word ‘discipline’ has always felt rigid, like there was no room for error, or play.

In order to have your dream life, you must have discipline. Every single day wake up at 5am, write in your journal, move your body, but also meditate, and make sure to eat a healthy meal before you lock in and start annihilating your to-do list! It’s a lot! But it’s possible! All you need is discipline; it’s the only way!

Surely not, because that sounds exhausting, and not to mention impossible for those of us that don’t have a set work schedule or simply have adhd and need more flexibility within our routines. Even so, it’s hard to unlearn how we are taught discipline and use it in ways that actually help build a sustainable lifestyle that feels good. That’s the purpose of today’s exploration, friends, because we deserve to enjoy our lives - so let’s dig in.

Whether you learned discipline through academics, music, art, or the sheer power of your own will, we all have general idea of how we gained the sense of what discipline ‘should look like’.

My discipline-villain-origin-story relates to sports. I was always in a jersey whilst growing up, some of them belonging to elite travel teams. That meant I had to have discipline to show up to all the meetings and games for various organizations, practice on my own time to hone my skills, and of course discipline to keep my grades up and pass my AP classes.

I did play sports for my school teams on top of my travel teams which required additional discipline, but outside of that ounce of ‘school spirit’, I wasn’t super involved…I was never close with many people in my middle/high school because those years were extremely hard for me. In retrospect, I’m glad I had sports as an outlet, but ultimately I became very lonely because the people I bonded with on my travel teams didn’t go to my school, and so I felt isolated in my own spaces.

Internally, I began to attach my sense of self-worth through my successes and how well I performed in the classroom and on the court…

…and it’s complicated because of course I wanted to have the discipline and get better, and of course when I was ‘on’ I was ‘ON’ and there’s no better feeling than doing a good job at something you’ve been training for.

However, pretty much every time the word discipline was said to me, it was with a curled lip and intense glare, trying to ignite a fire of passion within me so that I wanted ‘it’ just at much as my coach did. And what came along with discipline were sandy dune sprints, conditioning in the rain, and advice like “go throw up over there and keep running”…

…and I slowly started to realize that maybe I didn’t have or want the discipline it took to be ‘great’.

That was until recently, over a dirty chai in a city that isn’t my own, I realized that just because that’s how I was taught discipline, doesn’t mean that’s what it actually is, nor does it have to look or feel that stringent.

This dirty chai was enjoyed during a little weekend getaway to Grand Rapids Michigan that my partner and I took on our “puppy moon”. On the lovely Sunday morning that we were leaving to come back home, we went to one of our favorite coffee shops to fuel up for the drive.

We sat to drink our espressos and enjoy each other’s company in the calm but buzzing atmosphere that comes along with an indie coffee shop on the outskirts of a city. Local art on the wall, small talk at the counter over the aroma of coffee beans grinding, and the pop of the toaster as an everything bagel is announced for an eager patron.

What I loved about this particular visit was the fact that we had only been to this coffee shop once before, so we were still tourists, but it felt ordinary. We didn’t know the baristas by name but we knew the menu and we sat at a table just like everyone else, seemingly comfortable with the illusion of familiarity, almost blending in.

The morning light was shining in, glittering through the trees that lined the sidewalks right out front, and I noticed that there were at least three other people working on a creative project, there, in a small coffee shop on a Sunday morning, as we joined them.

We didn’t interact in any way, not even a moment of eye contact, for they were engrossed in their art. I felt energized, like I wished I had a creative project to work on with my coffee. But without fail, alongside these moments of possibility and elation, the intrusive thoughts came flooding in.

Any time I am surrounded by creatives who are succeeding, I feel inspired and happy, but also sad and even jealous at times. I think about what type of life they must have to to be able to do art in a coffee shop on a Sunday morning, and selfishly wish that I was doing it too.

Now, you’re probably like, “Syd, you literally can do it. Just…do it.” and you’re so right for that, and I’m not here to defend my melancholy. But I am here to try and figure out why it feels like I can’t. Because logically speaking, these artists in the coffee shop may have been there enjoying their quiet Sunday morning with their favorite hobby. And I recognize that it’s a toxic for me to think that everything I do needs to be “successful” in a monetary sense, or in a public-acceptance sense. But I think many of us are restless. We are restless to be doing what we love all the time, and in order to realistically do so…it has to be successful in that way. The way in which you can buy groceries that week, the way in which people read what you write and they feel connected enough to pay you for more.

One of the things that I think bars the momentum is realizing just how long my to-do list is. Whether it’s filled with actual deadlines, or the numerous passion projects/hobbies I have, I want to be doing so many things at any given time and I often struggle to know where would be ‘best’ to put my energy…

…because while it is absolutely valid to have our lil hobbies and keep them as hobbies, I really do want more…so the restlessness has ultimately brought me here, to Substack, where I’m trying to untangle the mess of passions and thoughts in my head to get over my impostor syndrome just enough to hit “post” just enough times to really try and make “this” happen.

Because contrary to what it may sound like, I do believe that succeeding is just the act doing “it”, but the hope is that the rest will continue to fall into place because we keep showing up for ourselves in these small ways, everyday.

Maybe the artists at the coffee shop do do art for a living, but also, maybe they just found a pocket of time to make art to live.

This is the energy that keeps me coming back to wanting to ‘burn it all to the ground’ in relation to my job(s)…because quite often, I genuinely feel like myself and my partner have no time to actually live. It feels like we are always working with no deep relief of ever being caught up (do we all feel this way?). This feeling is mostly due to the fact that both Caleb and I have jobs that don’t really have ‘clocking out’ hours. He is his own boss which is awesome, but it also means that if he isn’t scheduling jobs he isn’t getting paid; and while I’m a neuro trauma ICU nurse, I did also stumble into a job with content creation where business hours are 24/7 365. And there are many elements to both of our jobs that are never done, there is always something else we could be working on or doing…and that is an exhausting thing to know.

Now, part of my ‘work’ is a hobby that I do genuinely enjoy. Reading books and making content about doing so is a dream… but you have to understand that in order to make quality book content, you also have to be reading a lot - which on paper is super sick, yes I acknowledge that, but then what time do I have to learn watercolor painting, skateboarding, or write my debut novel?

The answer is not much time…

…and time is finite. We live in a society that profits from our exhaustion, and I am tired of being tired (can I get a “hell yeah!”?). This is why I want my discipline to work for and with me, instead of it barring me from fluidity I need as a multi-passionate creative.

Soft Discipline | noun | replacing fear and rigid based routines with empathy, flexibility, and desire to create a life with routines meant to build you up sustainably, rather than burn you out.

I think the first thing that needs to happen for me is an edit. I saw a post recently on Instagram that introduced the idea of a ‘daily edit’. The purpose is to make two columns - what gave you energy and what drained your energy. You then go through your day and put each thing in their respective columns, and from there you can edit your routines going forward. Some things that drain you may not be able to be edited out of your life, but maybe you can move the task to the morning when you have more energy. Maybe you see that this one thing you are doing actually isn’t completely necessary and it drains you. Try cutting it out and replace it with something that excites/energizes you!

I need to start small, I’m talking microscopic, with respecting myself and keeping promises I make to myself. I like that my big goals to feel big, but in order to get there I need to change many small things that affect my immediate daily routine that may be preventing my curiosity for the habits and actions I want to foster. This will include me being brutally honest in my time management (but in like, a cute whimsical way) and make a few lists (but not get caught up in the illusion that just making the lists merely solves the problems), to help organize my many jobs and interests.

I have so many irons in the fire at any given time…and I truly want life to feel a little bit more like how I feel while I’m writing, here. As a chronic people pleaser, I do think the transition will be hard for me, but I also know that I deserve to enjoy what I’ve built, and if I happen to have outgrown specific things about my work/life balance…then it’s okay for me to grow past them.

So here’s to seeing each other, and supporting each other, through every season of life, and every bit of growth that comes from it<3.

It is always a very heady realization to me that each and every person you cross has their own life and their own internal experience that is so greatly different than yours, but here you are. In the same town, on the same street, on the same Sunday morning, drinking the same coffee, but experiencing the moment so differently than the other…

…and I often wonder if i’m the only person thinking about these things, looking around and intrusively caring about everyone else’s human experience. I love just coexisting and creating, and it has taken me a long time of trying to have rigid ‘discipline’ in order to make my dreams come true, when in reality, I need fluidity. Part one of this journey has been realizing exactly this. Discipline can be soft and self-aware, and curious - helping you shape what it is you want to do with your time intuitively and in ways that feel good.

I want this for all of us.

What do you want for yourself?

…and what should I explore for part 2?

Thank you for being here.

dear diary // by sydney adams

Discussion about this post

Ready for more?